Follow your heart,
Reach out for you dreams...

Those words, people often say too much.
But how do you reach for your dreams when everything around seems to go in the other direction?
I've never wanted anything so bad and the only time when I wanted something so bad,
it's taken away by something that's not even supposed to be there..
I had so much hope in doing Nursing and it's taken away just like that.

How can this be?
This is what God wanted me to do, and obeyed and followed.
Could it be that I heard wrongly? Could it be that it wasn't God who wanted me to do it?
There were so many signs.. I asked for confirmation and He answered.
Now it suddenly disappears?

I don't want to be back to square one.
I was so sure that this was what I wanted, that this was God's plan for me..
I believe this is Satan's work trying to destroy God's perfect plan for me.
You will NOT succeed.. I will NOT give up on this.

I'm still waiting for the day to come when they find nothing wrong in me.
Not even a single sign or effect of it.
I am still depending on You, God.
You're my only hope, my only refuge and strength.
I NEED YOU, GOD. I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO.

Mixture of feelings..

It's a new year and a SMACK ON THE FACE of reality.
All these while we are living in our own little bubble in school and when we finish school, we're just left in this whole other dimension of the world wandering and wondering in the cold.
*At least it's what I feel..

3 months passed and I can't believe I'm still sitting home..
People have jobs, even changed jobs, start college, been through new experiences and learned new things. As for me? I feel like I've made a very wrong decision to take Grade 8 piano exam.
But I want to finish my piano when i have the chance to. So far it has pulled me back from many things.
Well, at least I've returned to Urban Groove. I feels really good to do the thing that I love so much.
And i really want to have the best of it before i start college. I want to have as much as I can get but something else is pulling me back. I really wish 'it' isn't real, but 'it' is. I'm waiting for the moment for 'it' to just disappear without any trace. I might not have time to dance anymore when i start college..
Maybe college starting in July isn't a bad idea after all considering that I can dance longer.
But it really sucks to stay home and not do anything. I looked for jobs but none of it seem to be the right one. Maybe I have too many requirements.

If I work full time, I can't practice my piano, and i have to change time for piano class again.
And the whole reason for starting college in July is because of exam.
Piano teacher suggests that I work part time in a kindergarten.. Then I'll have time to practice.
The problem? I'm busy most weekends and have no one to accompany me to ask. Yes, I'm a very timid person and I know if I really want it I should just go and ask for myself. That's me.

Don't expect anyone to read my blog anyway. I just want to express.

SPM RESULTS?
I'm happy with it, still a little dissatisfaction but I'm not gonna whine over it, as long as I did my best and got the expected results for most of the subjects. As long as it's enough to enter college.
Signed up at Sunway U for Diploma in Nursing today. The interview went on better than i thought. I have never been so confident answering those kind of questions before. I know the Holy Spirit helped me. It's what God has called me to do and I know He will help me through it all. Thank you God for giving me this confidence in myself for the very first time.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH, LORD. =)

In this life there is always give and take. You sacrifice something to gain something else. Put something down and pick something else up. No such thing as gaining and never giving.

Nobody is perfect. But NOT everybody has bad intensions. You don't know how they really feel, you don't know what they are really going through, you don't really know what God is doing in them.
Whatever God is doing, it's good. He has plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
He loves you for who you really are. And the love He gives is not any kind of love humans can give.
Whether you believe it or not, whether you realize it or not, God is always there. Just like radio waves, you can't see it, you can't touch it, you can't hear it but it's there.
No matter what you mother teaches you, no matter what you think, the colour RED is RED and it will always be RED. That's the truth. The truth is the truth.
You know you have a brain eventhough you can't see it, hear it or touch it.
These words are not all mine, but THINK ABOUT IT.

I'm going through emotions right now and I don't know why.
Feeling a little empty. I need it to be real again. I need to feel again. I need that touch of the Holy Spirit, the joy of being in His presence once again. I really miss that.
I can't bear seeing people drifting away from God. Further and further away, what is happening?
I'm feeling just a little bit of what God feels, seeing His people turning away, going back to their old self. I can't imagine how sad He is, how much His heart hurts.
I'm sorry, Lord for forgetting you sometimes. I love you, Lord.